We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
