Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
