that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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