went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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