Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
