I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
