she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I see more hoeing in ur future
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