Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.