I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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