70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.