Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
