Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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