Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
