in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize