the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
