Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
