i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
