i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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