I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
