We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
