Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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