She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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