then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
