Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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