I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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