We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
