just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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