I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
