On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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