its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
