Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
