i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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