I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
