No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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