i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
