I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
