So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
