everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
