Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
