I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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