Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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