I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize