You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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