Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
