There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
