Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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