My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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