and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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