you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
