he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
