I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
