also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
