Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
