These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
