I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He passed out mid-signature
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
