she woke up with a sticky ear
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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