bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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