her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
