My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
