No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
