first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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