I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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