I just made out with a guy for $7.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
