Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
