They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
