the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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